So I've been involved with an on-line Egroup with those born with clefts and parents of cleft children here in America. Interesting, to say the least. Perhaps it's the American way of it, but there is a lot more negativity among those born cleft. There recently was a huge debate on whether or not it is right for those born with clefts to have children. One commented that it would be narcassistic to knowingly pass it along.

I got very involved and probably upset a few of the more negative minded. It is something I thought of before I got pregnant - would it be right for me to knowingly pass something like this on to an innocent little life. My answer was that if he were born like me, the doctors could fix it. If he were born like me, I would have known how to deal with it. I would have been able to relate to him on his level. Of course, I was incredibly relieved that he wasn't born cleft.

So much of this seems to be the luck of the draw. While studies show that not enough folic acid, vitamin A, smoking, trauma during gestation, genetics, etc., can have an effect on chances of having a child born cleft - bottom line is that studies are still not guarenteed conclusive. My mom did all the right things...no history of clefts in either side of my family.

I did my own research on chances of passing this on to future generations. The possiblity of me passing this on to my child was 7%. If the second child were born cleft, that would of course, bring the percentage higher for the third child being cleft. I found a couple who were both cleft who had three normal children. I found couples who had no history of clefts who had three children, one being cleft.

While being a person with a cleft maybe made my life a bit more of a challenge, it's still the only life I've ever known. I was not disfigured in an aweful accident (though I remember telling classmates I had been in one - got pretty creative at times) so I don't feel anything were taken away from me. I went through my years of anger/resentment/self-pity but got over it. I do not see myself as being in a special class...I'm just me. My life has been full of ups and downs and tears and joy just like anyone else's. My face may have been a burdon to me as a kid, but I still had some good times. It wasn't all a nightmare. No more than the kid with too much acne or the poor girl who has struggled with her weight.

My mom taught me I was just as good as anyone else and that I could do whatever I wanted to do - be whatever I wanted to be. So I did. I was a pretty darned good hairdresser, I got a black belt in San Soo, and even made a name for myself as a belly dancer. I had a regular standing gig at an upscale restaurant in Riverside, Ca. I was paid quite well by the establishment and tipped well by the audience. I did parades, performances at two very well known universities as well as other venues.

The point is, that being born cleft was not the end of the world. I still managed to have a good life. As parents, we want only the very best for our kids. We want them to lead happy and healthy lives. I really want parents of cleft kids to know that though it is hard (really hard at times) seeing your kids have to have the surgeries and going off to school hoping they don't get picked on - That it can be okay. With enough love and understanding around them, with your strength...they will be fine.

Now that it is done and said, I really HONESTLY would not trade my face for another's.